Household Happenings October 2019

I have a lot of catching up to do. 

October. 

Seems so far away. 

Also this is a really long blog post. 

First, a talk about stuff.

I've been doing lots of decluttering and purging lately. We've accumulated 20 years worth of married stuff added to 2x20 years worth of single stuff, then add in 5 more people and all their stuff. And every time we've moved, we've moved into a bigger house so we've never needed to take a deep look at our belongings. But I've done lots of reading about minimalism and it's given me the strength to part with things. Because here's the deal, I love stuff. I love old stuff and useful stuff and project stuff and pretty stuff and expensive stuff and thrifted stuff. I can find a reason to hang on to anything. But stuff weighs me down. And stuff drains my time because I'm always taking care of the stuff. Kids get out lots of stuff. You gotta clean and organize and sort all the stuff. 

So I've cleaned out bins and closets and cupboards and kid stuff. And no one misses the stuff. I feel so much better. Tyler even noticed and says how much better it feels around here. It's inspired him to start purging. It's freeing. And I want to spend my time doing music or with my family, not picking up. One of the most helpful things I read was the simple book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Basically, do you want to burden your loved ones with having to deal with all the stuff? Throw it away now!

So one of the things we went through was our wedding time capsule. We've carried this thing around through 8 moves. It was supposed to be opened last year (20 years) but it was buried under stuff. We made a night of it, gathered the kids around and had a ceremony. It was fun. There wasn't much that was super amazing. A J.Crew catalog from 1998. Some newspaper articles. Ticket stubs. We laughed and admired and then I threw it all away!

Thank you time capsule. 

OK, next. Giselle is really into her power lifting. It's a crazy insane sport, but she's tough and I'm proud of her.  

My iPad and bluetooth page turner are game changers for me as a musician. I LOVE having all my music digitally available and just carrying it around. Huge upgrade. 

I took my piano apart for a cleaning and inspection. I love this Yamaha, but it's just not giving me what I need as a pianist. It's basically worn out. It's fine for teaching on, but I'm ready for something that responds to me. 

I went to Will's school because he was getting award and I sat there for a long time on the aluminum bleachers and they called his name and he wasn't even listening and didn't even walk up their to receive his award. But I caught him afterward and we at least took a selfie. Still rolling my eyes on this one.

 We had the school carnival --it was chilly but fun. I enjoy working the booths.

 Tyler built Will a massive loft bed. 

 Giselle built herself a cool headboard.

 Giselle, Amelia and I went to my last doula client's baby's first birthday party. It was super cute. And I'm really glad to not be a doula anymore. The stress of being on call was too much, and I don't like hospitals. And even though I was a good doula and I did it, I wasn't ever sure it was ME. Me, now. Not like the way music is. Plus piano is much more reliable. It was a good run. 

 So I started my search for a new piano in October. I started with FB market place and trying out some used pianos. I played probably played over 50 pianos in my search. Probably more than that. I went to strangers' homes and galleries and showrooms all across the metroplex. I knew I wanted a true grand, over 6' and it just had to feel right. I'm still partial to Yamaha, but there was nothing in my price range. I am not crazy about Kawai, I'm just not crazy about their action until you get to the $40k range. I liked an old Baldwin that I played twice. I don't care for most used Steinways either. Every day I spent researching pianos, scouring CL and FB marketplace. Still searching. 

 Celebration day at school with Amelia. 

Will and Tyler went to Utah for the BYU game. Will loves his Shake Shack. Ty has more pics on his phone, but they had fun even if the game was beyond freezing and they lost. True fans. 

My mom made her traditional spooky food with the cousins. It was all very fun and cute. 

Then, on a whim I decided to get Amelia's ears pierced. She had been asking and I though, why not? 

 She was brave and loves them. The older girls, however, are still quite upset. THEY had to wait until they were NINE!

 Then we had a tornado go through town. Headed right toward us. It was the first time I've ever woken  the kids up and put them in the closet. Normally when the sirens go off I go outside. This pic was taken from the other side of our neighborhood. We were spared, but a lot of Dallas was destroyed, including the fabric district which is sad. 

 Back to the piano search. I visited the Plano Steinway Hall where I met Otis. Otis hosts the DFW amateur piano group on occasion and Teresa (my piano friend) knows him. Nothing there enticed me, but Otis said there was a sale on used pianos this weekend at the Fort Worth Hall. He said there was a nice used Boston I should try. It was still out of my price range, but I thought I should try. So I made an appointment and brought Teresa along. Well. We got there and there were 2 other couples trying out this piano. I sat down to play and yes, it was nice. While I was on the bench not yet 5 minutes, the other salesman put a RESERVED sign on the music rack. Um, ok. And they bought it right then. Well. I was relieved because I wasn't going to spend that much anyway. But Teresa fell in love with a Steinway B and ended up buying it!!!!! It's beyond gorgeous. The saga continues. 

Otis felt bad that the piano was snatched out like that (he was probably sadder he didn't make the sale) and said there was another one but it's still in the workshop downtown. So I reluctantly made an appt to see that one. This one was newer and was priced $5k higher even for the sale.Way more than I was planning to spend. I was still debating over the older Baldwin too. So that morning, I played another used Baldwin downtown (lots of problems with that one, sticky keys, huge chunk missing out of the soundboard, the pedal rod broke while I played it--they wanted 8k) and then we went to the Dallas Hall. We climbed upstairs to the warehouse/workshop where hoards of pianos were stored on their sides and in all manner of repair. It was fascinating. And there was this Boston. I played it and it felt good. Just right. And I played this simple beautiful hymn and I burst into tears. I couldn't keep them from rolling down my cheeks. The piano could play SO SOFT. It was exquisite.  Otis told me they were going to give me this piano at the price of the other one in FW  but we walked away even though Tyler gave it his best with the negotiation skills. Just too much. I cried all the way home. Not because I couldn't have it, but just because I had such a surreal, beautiful moment. I cried all weekend. Tyler couldn't believe me. Continued below. 

Homecoming for two girls. Maddie's is white because she's a senior. 

 Brahms Requiem concert!! Such fun and I love PCC. I loved singing the Brahms but the Mendelssohn ended up being more fun than I thought it would be. I love the differences between PCC and MCO and I'm so thankful to have some different musical experiences. 

 Plus I get to do it with my BFF.

Piano story continued. I made an appointment to go see the cute old guy with the Baldwin for the next day. I needed to play that one again and if it sparked joy, just get that one. So Tyler came with me this time and I spent some time with it and it was fine. But Tyler was the one shaking his head thinking, no, not this one. He could recognize the difference. While we walked out, Otis called and said he needed to know if there was ANY possibility we'd want that one. Someone else wanted it (who knows if this is true, however, I was shocked at how things moved in that FW sale) but Tyler said, I want you to have the Boston. So I called Otis back right then and said, yes! We'll take it. And I cried some more. I thought I would instantly feel regret or remorse (this was the most expensive thing we've bought outside of our house!) But  Tyler and I both felt really good about it. Tyler's support has made the biggest difference to me. I know he's not keen on the piano in general (it's so loud!) but he has been positive and encouraging and wants me to do this. And I love him forever because of it. So Monday I drove up to Plano and signed the forms for my new piano. I left my checkbook at the bank by my house right before, so that made me nervous but I was just able to get a cashier's check at the bank across the street. This is me: I was so happy. Now, I just wait for it to arrive! Such a huge moment in my life. A DREAM COME TRUE!

 Where it's going to go:

 Back to real life: Amelia wants to be a Wookie for Halloween. The way she says it is so cute. Woooookie.

I think she actually wanted to be an ewok so we bought this hood from Amazon and the suit from the thrift store. So cute. 

 School parties. I refuse to go to these, but thankfully their teachers post pics and I can save them. 

 Trick or treating:

 Will and neighbor:

And that's the end of October! What a month.

January Writing Prompts Week 5 February Week 1

28.  How are you feeling today?
Today is probably not the best to ask. I am a ball of conflicting emotion.  I feel abandoned and yet scrutinized. I'm a scared mouse and a lashing tiger. I want to cry and throw up. I want to sleep but I'm jittery. I'm freezing all the time with a ball of fire in my stomach. I don't like when my own self is so divided. (Some pretty flower and fresh eggs helped me not be so emo.)
29.  What are three things from this past month that have been hard?
Not being able to lose any weight--hormone problems again.  New responsibilities. Being humbled.
30.  What are three things from this past month that you're happy about?
Funny conversation with Wyatt about his future wife. Memorizing my piano piece. Getting some fresh eggs from a friend.
31.  What is your favorite things about weekends right now?
When I was just a stay-at-home mom with lots of little kids, I didn't love weekends. What's a weekend? They're just more days exactly the same with the expectation of a break, but not for moms. Now that I work I LOVE having a change in routine. There's still work, but it's different work. I love 2 hour church, I like when Tyler goes to the grocery store with me on Saturday mornings. I like when we get little house projects done together.

That wraps up January!  I think I'll continue doing these writing prompts. And the goals and accountability have been good for me.

Goals for this week: 

• Get Amelia's birthday dress and presents finished.
• Finish my piano room bulletin board
• Exercise
• Declutter something. anything.
• Practice the piano
• Meal plan

January Writing Prompt Week 4

In full disclosure--I am answering all these daily prompts today. I have not done any of them on the appropriated day, well except today's.

21.  How do you feel about the dark?
How can such a simple question be so complicated? I'm not afraid of the dark. I get annoyed that it gets dark so early when the weather is actually nice here in Texas. I appreciate a dark, moody day every now and then, but I function better in the bright sun. I love dark chocolate. I like my cookies slightly dark.  

22.  When you were little, where was your favorite place to hide?
When we lived in California, the heat vents were in the floor. I loved lying next to one and putting my blanket over us both and it would puff up like a warm tent.

23.  What is your current go-to outfit and why?
This is a funny one because I am mildly obsessed with outfits right now. 
Church: pencil skirt, some kind of polyester blouse of sorts, cardigan, heels
Around the house: skinny jeans, t shirt, sweater, shoes or slippers. I'm always freezing in my house, so usually a lot of layers.
Looking nice: I'm trying to follow the rule of 3 since I'm really a clothes minimalist (lazy?) so I've been adding things like scarves, vests, jackets etc. It really helps you look put together, you know?

24.  Describe what dinner times were like when you were little.
I don't remember a whole lot of these. I remember our dog, Nippers, begging at the table all the time though.

25.  Is there something that you'd like to change about your life right now?
Well I hope there's always something I'm working on. I'd like to be better about making decisions. I'm the WORST.

26.  How do you usually respond to conflict and confrontation?
I'm flight. I'm usually always taken by surprise too. And I'm a super-slow processor. Then I write in my journal. I'm afraid I'm a bottler-upper.

27.  Who are the people you spend the most time with these days?
My family and my piano students. 

5 things I'm grateful for this week:

1. The opportunity to grow and stretch. This week I was asked to serve as the Grand Chorus Manager of DMCO.  It's something that I want to do, but it is SO FAR OUT of my comfort zone. I'm a great wing-man, sidekick, counselor, worker bee, but I've never been the president or leader or front man. So it's really scary for me, even though I'm excited about it. I have a lot to live up to since Mandie was the last one and there's really no measuring up to her. I may be slow to warm up, but I hope to feel comfortable and useful, at some point. 
2. Getting my song (Allegro Burlesco, Kuhlau) memorized. Memorizing piano music has always been hard/impossible for me but I've got this short little piece memorized for the start of our Adult Piano Enrichment group. Even if I'm the only one there I will have accomplished my goal. 
3. Things that bring me comfort: new Voces8 album, writing in my journal, hot baths, timehop pics of my family, organizing my outfits, drinking Fresca.
4. The printer/copier I got for my piano studio. That thing has made my life so much easier!!
5. There have been some good laughs with the family this week. We don't always have connection (there are some big personalities here) but it's so great when we can all laugh together.  It's also great when kids can learn to laugh at themselves. We're getting there.

Goals:

I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything from last week. And my goals are going to have to change with my added responsibility so I'm starting fresh. And basic.

• Don't procrastinate. That means dinner, emails, putting things on the shopping list, putting laundry away, cleaning bathrooms.
• No spend week. 
• piano/organ practice--pick piece for next month
• Plan/figure out Adult piano enrichment meeting

I wore my favorite dress from high school today for the 90s challenge.

And here's a song I could have on repeat

January Writing Prompts Week 3 + Grateful Sunday + Goals

14. Have you ever felt trapped or suffocated?
Yes. Yes I have. I am pretty claustrophobic, so there's been some moments where I've literally felt trapped (once in a tiny car, packed full of people, in a dark garage and the doors wouldn't unlock--major freak out--I was a kid. And another time in an elevator whose doors wouldn't open. I was with friends in high school. And another time when I climbed inside a McDonald's playground in the old days and it was the hamburger and it had this tiny opening). I also have dreams of being trapped.

15.  What's your favorite meal to cook and why?
There is no favorite meal to cook. I pretty much hate cooking. Because no one eats the food. So my favorite would be something from the instant pot that I like eating.

16.  When does your family usually take down holiday decorations? Who does it?
Usually pretty soon after. Maybe new year's day. Maybe before. Tyler does the big stuff like tree and outdoor lights, I do everything else. The kids help take down their ornaments and put them in their box.

17.  What happened today at 10 am?
Mandie and I were in the car driving to an institute meeting where we were singing.

18.  Where were you born? Have you been back since?
I was born in Santa Rosa, California. Went back a lot until I was nine since we still lived in the bay area and my grandparents were there. Then we  moved to Texas and I went back a few more times. But everything has been burned up in the fires, so there's no going back. Sad face.

19.  Write down five things about your mother that you are most grateful for.

• sense of humor
• legacy of music
• strong example of Christ-like living
• great taste in old movies
• sense of adventure--making memories was always worth it to her and I'm grateful for all I got to see and experience.

20.  What's your relationship with your siblings?
I have 3 brothers. I don't think any of us are exceptionally close??? It's fun when we all get together but we don't interact much outside of an occasional family reunion. Only Amelia has cousins that match up, so there's not even that.

 10 year challenge Jan 2009

5 Things I'm grateful for this week.

1. pinterest/sunday wardrobe challenge. I know this is totally shallow, but I've been looking up outfits on pinterest and putting together clothes in ways I didn't think of before, or figuring out what I need in order to look "put-together."  It has helped me so much! I've always struggled with style because my main motivation is comfort and I'm cheap. But I've enjoyed my pinterest outfits and I even made a board for Tyler. It's nice to wear what you actually have, and purge what doesn't work. 
2. Mandie and I got to sing for and institute meeting (see 17, above). It was really fun to learn a song quickly (thank mom for writing a duet part!) and perform. I'm not much of a soloist, but I'd like to get better so that means doing it. Plus it was flattering to be asked--well, I just got lucky because Mandie is my bff.
3. I bought a Fake Book (it's actually the Real book) this week (I needed something for same day shipping) and it's like 500 pages of intimidation. Melody and chord symbols on top. I am determined to play every song in that book by the end of the year.  I will know my chords!  It's such a fun challenge! I've got one song down--499 to go.
4. Tyler and I spent the morning yesterday meal planning and grocery shopping and then we did a bunch of cooking and we've got lots of healthy food ready to go. I'm grateful to have his support and company in the kitchen.
5. I'm grateful my family supports me working. I've got 25 students and I'm busy almost every afternoon/evening and all day Tuesdays. It's been an adjustment. I know it doesn't probably seem like a lot to other working moms, but it's been a big change for me. I don't get to putter and fuss about the house like I used to. I'm much more scheduled and I usually can't get everything done that needs to be done. We're falling into better routines of them helping out and picking up slack and I appreciate that. 
6. Ok, 6 this week. I am so grateful for the Come Follow Me program. Our discussions have gotten progressively better and better each Sunday. I'm grateful to point out to the kids that these good feelings are the spirit confirming truth.  This is an inspired program that is already bringing our family closer!

Last week's Goals:

• Go to bed by 11 each night--pretty good at this. I like not feeling so tired in the mornings.
• sew a dress for Amelia--nope, not at all. I'm sad about this.
• 3x T-Tapp--another no. I think I got 1 day in.
• Practice piano 30 minutes a day--yes! I've been diligent about practice since we've got piano enrichment coming up
• Perfect eating days--no. I had 2 not excellent days. Mostly I'm mad at my body for having such a messed up cycle and I'm frustrated.
• drink more water--maybe? Does Fresca count?
• read with Wyatt each night--could do better at this

My favorite snowman pic from 10 years ago 

This week's goals:

• keep kitchen counters cleared off
• sew something
• exercise 3x
• memorize my entire song
• plan Amelia's birthday
• buy plane tickets to NYC (do it! do it! do it!)
• all the things I didn't do well last week

January Writing Prompts Week 2

7. Is there any hurt or pain lingering in your heart right now?
Well, isn't a life made up of hurts and pains that have scarred over?  It's in there, sometimes you brush past something that reminds you of the wound, but it's safely healed inside. Skin stretching and growing over. Maybe not so flexible as it once was. Life goes on. But no, I have no major open wounds in my heart right now. 

8. What songs or tunes do you find yourself singing unconsciously?
If it's MCO season  I will for sure have MCO songs stuck in my head. Lately I've had Messiah melodies floating around. I've been listening to a lot more classical music lately and less chamber choir, otherwise I might have some Polyphony in my head. Or maybe old Mary Poppins. I've been watching that with Amelia.

9. What do you miss most about being young?
Hmmm, I'm not really sure about that. I like where/who I am now. 
I had lots of  performing opportunities as a kid--that was super awesome,  and did I fully appreciate them?  So maybe that. All the gigs, lol.  And family vacations that I didn't have to plan and pay for. 

10. What's a good book that you've read recently.
I have not read ANY books lately. I finished the Book of Mormon in December, and that's a good book.

11. Describe a moment from today that you want to remember always
Going to Mary Poppins Returns with Amelia (and my mom and dad). I love to watch her face while see watches. And she sits on my lap and fluffs my hair. And begs for candy. I will really miss our time together when she goes to school in August. She's just so nice to have around. 

12. Who was the last person to make you laugh? What did they do or say?
Of course I'm writing this after the fact, but it has to be Wyatt. That kids does the funniest things. The other day we were reading through my old journals as kind of a new year thing and I read how Wyatt, not even 3 and barely talking, tooted loud and then said, "Me swallowed a bullet."  We all  laughed hysterically until we were all hyperventilating. And since then it's been a common phrase. He was so funny though; he made me look it up again and he wanted to see where I wrote it and what it looked like. He loved the attention. I'm grateful for my journals too. 

13. Describe one recent dream that you've had.
I don't remember anything from last night, but the night before I had a dream that Tyler and I were at a movie theater (cause I just went to one) and we saw Will there. But the movie wasn't good and I couldn't get his attention. He was there with other people. I kept calling for him and he wouldn't hear me. It was one of those frustrating dreams. I did finally get him before I woke up. 


5 things I'm grateful for this week:

1. First week of piano is under my belt.  All my new students are great!  They seemed excited to be doing this so that helps. Plus it was pay week and that helps a lot too.
2. the Come Follow Me program. We've had our family discussion for 2 weeks in a row now and they have been SO GOOD. The kids have been really good about participating and we've had really good discussion. I am loving 2 hour church and this family centered teaching.
3. Primary. I've been in Primary almost the entire time I've lived here (4 years minus 3 months in young womens) and I've loved it. I love the kids SO MUCH. I love the music and the fun and the laughing. I love watching my kids in there. Last night was the Great to be 8 and Priesthood/Temple prep night and I thought it was so nice. The spirit was strong. Will was there for the second meeting and he said it was really "touching". I think that means he felt the spirit too. 
4. My calling of ward organist. I really have enjoyed figuring out the organ. Yesterday I played pedals on 2 different songs (super easy ones, I'll say) and I make tons of mistakes, but I love the challenge. What's even more fun is playing the organ books my mom got me for Christmas.  
5. Music in general. I have been listening to the classical music station in the car. I've never done that before, mostly because a car full of crying/chatting children is not conducive to good listening and I just got frustrated with more noise. But Amelia likes it and WRR is a really good station playing short, good pieces. On the way home from dropping kids off at school we got to hear the opening of Also sprach Zarathustra and turn it up loud. She thought it was pretty neat. I'm grateful I grew up hearing a lot of this stuff in our home. 

Goals for last week: Recap

• continue 8:30pm family prayer and bedtime routine--yes we did this
• have meals cooked every night--I did pretty good on this
• get through this week's lessons (6 new students start this week--always a little stressful)--yes
• study organ books--look for a teacher?--no
• write up intro for piano club--no, but scheduled building
• do my T-Tapp exercise video 3x this week. No excuse eating.--yes for exercise, and I was like 95% on food

Goals for the week:

• Go to bed by 11 each night
• sew a dress for Amelia
• 3x T-Tapp
• Practice piano 30 minutes a day
• Perfect eating days
• drink more water
• read with Wyatt each night

Thoughts on the New Year and Projects

Normally I am all about the New Year's resolutions. I love the introspection and chance to reinvent myself. The chaos of the holidays comes to a close and my next project is all the goals and dreams and ideas and to-do lists that have been on hold.

I have learned (from A Slob Comes Clean I love you Dana so much!) that I have major Project Mentality. I think a lot of us creative, dabbler types do. We love big projects and get all crazy and obsessed then the project ends or we burnout and move on to the next big, shiny thing.  

When cleaning my house or meal planning are my projects, I'm on fire. But sadly, those boring important things never stay my projects and before you know it, I've sewn a new wardrobe or spent weeks memorizing a song on the piano.  Good things, but the house is a disaster and we haven't eaten a solid meal in weeks. Then the cycle starts over again. 

Knowing this, I'm trying to figure what this means to me, and my goals. I want a clean house and healthy dinner every night, I need to exercise and take care of myself. I want to declutter and decorate and do home stuff, I need to practice music everyday. I'd like to sew something and read every week. 

@fairmeadowstudio

How do I make this all happen with my project brain? How do I make things habits instead of projects? I don't know. Except be a grown up and do the important things first and get them overwith. And don't stop. Or delegate it all to the children, hahahahahaha.  I'm not done reading the above pictured book (hello, project) but I love it so far and it's an excellent reminder of making habits that help, starting with these:

This really makes me want to start sewing a shirt right now, but I'm going to do these things first.

 I really am. 

Incidentally, I made a new year's resolution last year to blog once a week (I only know that after reading an old blog post). But I'm really going to remember that this year, ok? 

Posting Again?

I know, shocker.

I kind of feel that since only 2 people read my blog (Susie and my mom--I thank you both) it's almost like my online private journal. That I don't care if anyone reads. But somehow that makes me feel freer.

I'm taking a self-imposed time out. I should be fixing dinner (we're doing chicken noodle soup tonight since Tyler is not home) but I'm sitting here eating my afternoon pick-me-up snack which is almonds and dark chocolate. Dark as in 85%.  I was starting to feel hangry, so I figured this was a good alternative.

This is my simple, fall mantle. 

It's amazing what you learn about yourself as you get older. Like the fact that I need SO MUCH downtime.  I don't think most people do, but I need (what's even more than need? Require? Insist? Demand?) major alone time with out ANY DECISIONS.

I've always been pathetic at making decision, but I'm crippled with indecision.  Not big things, but small, constant, nagging questions and decisions. They exhaust me. I also hate to disappoint people, so that makes it difficult too.

Wyatt drew this picture of me walking a corgi. 

And that leads me into my next topic of minimalism.  Now, I may be surrounded by lots of stuff, but I am a minimalist at heart. It goes back to not being able to make decisions.  When you have lots of choices (clothes, grocery shopping, eye shadow) you have to make lots of decisions.  I don't like that, so I purposely limit my choices. Also why I can't handle shopping anywhere but Aldi.  I went to Walmart for a can of black beans.  They have, no kidding, 20 different kinds.  I stood there and then left without any beans. Aldi has 2 kinds: organic, and non organic. I can handle that.

I've been working hard to pare down our belongings.  Stuff starts to weigh heavy on me and drain my energy.  But I still have 5 kids (one who is a true hoarder and one who is a genuine slob), a husband, 3 chickens, major hobbies and a house that's usually under construction   It's not exactly a tiny house either. Plus, I'm also sentimental. But there's always room for improvement!

Speaking of improvement, I deep cleaned the guest bathroom and it felt so good. I completed the project un-interrupted which made it even better.  We put up a new mirror.  I got it from my friend Mandie and it was painted turquoise which was cute, but I really wanted natural wood, so I sanded and stripped it which was a fun and quick project with major satisfaction. The mirror is really old and weighs like 40 pounds and it's perfect in there.

I also hung up that little wooden sign (made by Mandie) and I like it in there. I've always liked this bathroom despite the lack of natural light and now I love it even more!

Ok, my almonds are gone, 2 people need bums wiped, 1 person needs a bath. It's time for dinner.

On Blogging and renovations and growing

I sit here late at night typing on a keyboard COVERED in dust, but I've been wanting to write blog posts lately.  I've been thinking a lot  about blogging and how it's kind of a thing from the past.  I think the "family blog" has gone the way of transistor radios. But this blog and my 1500 (yes, you read that right) posts is one of my most treasured possessions. Sometimes I stay up way too late at night reading old posts.  It reminds me of things I would not have remembered.  Plus I think I'm really funny.

 In fact, lately as I drop Maddie off at school I've been reminded of her little self.  Current-day Maddie wears skinny khakis (standardized dress) and black converse high tops and her feet kind of flare out when she walks.  Just like she used to when I dropped her off at preschool.  When I turn in the car to watch her go in, probably holding the carpool line up a bit too long, I almost choke up.  It doesn't seem that long ago.  She really is a beautiful young woman.  But I can revisit my blog when she was little and read something she said or did and it kind of eases the mothers' heartache a bit.  I hope when we get to heaven we get to remember our kids as little children better.  You think you'll remember, but you really can't.  Their new and growing selves push out the old.

I miss the time when I strived to blog everyday.  When you are just a regular person trying to come up with  daily content it's sometimes pointless or dumb, like a quiz, or a picture that caught my eye. But when I look back, I like that it represents me at that time.  And I'm glad I did it.

Maybe I should try to post everyday again.

If I were to post about today, it would be how a tiny part of the wood floors got installed which means we are on the upswing.

 Thank goodness.
 Thank goodness.

These last few days, weeks, months, even the year of 2014 have been SO HARD.  Now, I try to remind my kids that hard doesn't equal bad, but hard for a long time is just, hard.  I feel like I'm constantly treading water, trying to keep 2 babies heads above water and 3 other kids from floating off.  I'm barely functioning.  Of course it doesn't help that we've all been sick (RSV for the littles and now cough for me) and no one is sleeping.  Why is sleep so hard? Hard as in bad.

Renovating is hard too. The dust is bad, the disorganization is terrible.  The mess is atrocious.  Nothing has a home; I can't find anything to save my life.  The fridge is in the living room. The table and chairs are outside. I looked for oregano for 15 minutes thinking it was in the laundry room, or my closet when it was really in the spice cupboard (which is full of canned goods).

But we are on the upswing.

New pantry shelves will be installed. The floors will get finished.  Tables and chairs will go in their respective rooms.  I'll be able to cook real meals without first wiping dust off everything.  I'll be able to find things like bandaids and onions.

I do still write in my journal.  I used to mostly write what I did that day. Now I just write things I want to remember.  Like Will's voice reading a book--he's such a good reader even if he'd rather build legos, and Elle's excitement about taking cooking lessons and being a Road Guard at school.  Amelia's high-pitched squealing when she climbs ladders.  Wyatt, so naughty, so adorable, so exhausting.  The way he calls for me when he can't see me.

And before I know it I'll feel like I'm floating in the water.